This is gonna be one of those posts where i just talk about crap in my life, so if u don't care about me much (no offense taken), just ignore this post entirely.
I have been doing a 6 months internship since October 6th, which should had ended ages ago, but as misfortune would want it, it wont.
A lot happened during this internship, but most note worthy stuff was the drastic impact on my health. The work conditions are just atrocious, i don't wanna get into too much detail otherwise this post could take hours. But as a result of work, i have developed an ulcer and an extremely poor blood circulation in my legs.
In fact, the reason I'm up writing this right now is because i woke up at 4AM because my stomach was in pain. I'm basically waiting for the pain to settle down.
Work is very unrewarding, the bosses are mindless idiots, the workers are unmotivated because no one's been paid since December, myself included (am waiting for 1250 euros now). My internship reports just don't get done cause i just can't find the time or will to do them.
Outside of work, my life feels ruined. Free time is the time i feel I'm allowed to live and not be a mindless slave, but i get home so exhausted that often i don't do anything, and fall asleep early. I get into a cycle where i go to work, come back home and sleep, wake up and repeat with near zero time for me.
These cycles which seem to happen often make me feel dead inside. I miss art the most, i really do... Art is the only thing that i can say i truly like in life. Most people here like cars, soccer and alcohol. None of those things ever appealed to me, it seems like such a bland and sad existence these people have. They don't seem to aspire to anything except get money, don't seem to have any creativity, don't seem to do anything productive with their free time. that kind of life feels empty to me.
However, maybe I'm the one kidding myself, because of the limited free time, the life i wish i had where i could do all the stuff i like after work just isn't possible. For a while, it seemed like it could b possible, and that i could b happy, but each passing day makes me think I'm in denial.
Right now, I'm stressed out, and my ulcer is getting worse. Art is little to none. I wanna b happy, but i can't. There's just no reason, even my best friend seem really depressed. i come home, get online and try to b optimistic and... there's just so much negativity, lifelessness, sadness and lack of interest... it's just not possible for me to be happy right now.
Jimmy's always very very busy, and his life sounds like a huge mess right now, he still gives me kind words and tries to cheer me up when he can. Although college sounds like it's killing him bit by bit, and his incoming exams don't even sound reasonable.
I'm quite worried about Zach, it's the main reason I've been sad. He seems constantly upset for the past month now. I often think he wants to quit drawing because it doesn't make him happy anymore, nothing seems to make him happy in fact, and i just dunno what to do...
When I'd get depressed back in the day, he used to at least try to cheer me up, but now, it's like he's kicking me further down the pit. Probably not intentionally, but, it feels like something's wrong. Maybe I'm the one that makes him unhappy, he seems to have fun when I'm not talking to him, i dunno...
I see Bittenhard doodle really cool stuff and he's been using really nice angles lately and i do mean REALLY nice. I can't help but feel like i wanna doodle something, or get a doodle, with a nice angle like his, my characters feel incredibly neglected since this accursed year started and neither me or anyone else seems to either have the time or will to doodle them. My characters are all i have...
I literally have nothing going for me right now. No one can and/or will cheer me up, life is just both physical and mental pain all day til i get home, and then I'm exhausted and fall asleep.
If u read this post, am sorry it was so long.
I have been doing a 6 months internship since October 6th, which should had ended ages ago, but as misfortune would want it, it wont.
A lot happened during this internship, but most note worthy stuff was the drastic impact on my health. The work conditions are just atrocious, i don't wanna get into too much detail otherwise this post could take hours. But as a result of work, i have developed an ulcer and an extremely poor blood circulation in my legs.
In fact, the reason I'm up writing this right now is because i woke up at 4AM because my stomach was in pain. I'm basically waiting for the pain to settle down.
Work is very unrewarding, the bosses are mindless idiots, the workers are unmotivated because no one's been paid since December, myself included (am waiting for 1250 euros now). My internship reports just don't get done cause i just can't find the time or will to do them.
Outside of work, my life feels ruined. Free time is the time i feel I'm allowed to live and not be a mindless slave, but i get home so exhausted that often i don't do anything, and fall asleep early. I get into a cycle where i go to work, come back home and sleep, wake up and repeat with near zero time for me.
These cycles which seem to happen often make me feel dead inside. I miss art the most, i really do... Art is the only thing that i can say i truly like in life. Most people here like cars, soccer and alcohol. None of those things ever appealed to me, it seems like such a bland and sad existence these people have. They don't seem to aspire to anything except get money, don't seem to have any creativity, don't seem to do anything productive with their free time. that kind of life feels empty to me.
However, maybe I'm the one kidding myself, because of the limited free time, the life i wish i had where i could do all the stuff i like after work just isn't possible. For a while, it seemed like it could b possible, and that i could b happy, but each passing day makes me think I'm in denial.
Right now, I'm stressed out, and my ulcer is getting worse. Art is little to none. I wanna b happy, but i can't. There's just no reason, even my best friend seem really depressed. i come home, get online and try to b optimistic and... there's just so much negativity, lifelessness, sadness and lack of interest... it's just not possible for me to be happy right now.
Jimmy's always very very busy, and his life sounds like a huge mess right now, he still gives me kind words and tries to cheer me up when he can. Although college sounds like it's killing him bit by bit, and his incoming exams don't even sound reasonable.
I'm quite worried about Zach, it's the main reason I've been sad. He seems constantly upset for the past month now. I often think he wants to quit drawing because it doesn't make him happy anymore, nothing seems to make him happy in fact, and i just dunno what to do...
When I'd get depressed back in the day, he used to at least try to cheer me up, but now, it's like he's kicking me further down the pit. Probably not intentionally, but, it feels like something's wrong. Maybe I'm the one that makes him unhappy, he seems to have fun when I'm not talking to him, i dunno...
I see Bittenhard doodle really cool stuff and he's been using really nice angles lately and i do mean REALLY nice. I can't help but feel like i wanna doodle something, or get a doodle, with a nice angle like his, my characters feel incredibly neglected since this accursed year started and neither me or anyone else seems to either have the time or will to doodle them. My characters are all i have...
I literally have nothing going for me right now. No one can and/or will cheer me up, life is just both physical and mental pain all day til i get home, and then I'm exhausted and fall asleep.
If u read this post, am sorry it was so long.
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