Professor Jimmy: Shit I Want To Say

Q: HEY TEACHER! LOOK AT ME. *Insert random statement or question* *screaming yelling or any incoherent garble*

A: It may surprise you, but being stupid and being just damn annoying can get old very quick. By golly, how many times can you ask the same question over and over? Even four year olds eventually learn after the second time. There's a simple trick that I teach my pet cat. When you think something is funny, chances are, it is not. If you think you can make a living off being stupid, I heard the internet is hiring.

Q: Do you know karate/kung-fu/tae-kwan-do/etc? Show me something like a backflip!

A: First off it's racist to even ask an Asian that question, because it is built into our dna. Not only that, if I were to show you any of my secret, I would have to destroy everyone and everything within a 10 mile radius. True story, ever heard of the city of San Montenyo? No? EXACTLY. As for the backflip, if I were to do it most of you would be blinded by the flash kick.

Jim Kelly is clearly Asian and so is Chuck Norris. 100% truth.

Q: Why are you a teacher?

A: I get asked this quite a bit from everyone. The simple answer I always give to my friends and family is that I enjoy teaching. Let's be realistic, all teachers are there for one reason. To give you endless tests, pointless homework, and fail you and gloat about it in the teacher's room. In fact, in the teacher's lounge we have a wall with your picture on it and we laugh at your idiocy. We also teach because it makes us feel important; as a bonus we prepare you for the shit hole experience we call "life".


Q: You look like shit. Why are you always sick? It seems that your health is deteriorating as the days go by.

A: To answer that question or address that statement one must understand the fundamentals of basic physiology. We normally get sick because of an infection of some sort whether it be viral, bacterial, or chemical. For teachers we are exposed to all that shit because some of you are just dirty and fail to follow basic hygiene practices and spread it everywhere and to everyone. Hey did it ever occur to you that if you leave trash in your desk, that shit will build up over time? Yea I'm sure you didn't think that far ahead. However, If you do enjoy living in a trash dump, by all means do it AT HOME, but do not expose me to that. Back to the most important factor, you folks. You bring me stress in addition to the stress I get from the administration. If you didn't know, stress makes you sick if it builds up too much.

Somehow, this seems more enjoyable than teaching some students.

Well that's all I'll load with you today. This is Professor Jimmy signing out until next time.

Isn't it cute that you think I care about your grade? Nope, not an ounce.

(Wish me luck) Fuck Portugal's hospitals

I'm off to the hospital for the operation. Seriously hope it goes well cause I'm nervous as fuck.

Oekaki will come back when I do.

---

Just got back from the hospital, They tell us it's not today.

The doctor personally called us to tell us it was on the 27th over a week ago.

We called on Friday to ask at what time it was, they told us they didn't know and not to bother calling during the weekend cause no one was there.

Didn't sleep much because of all the stress.

We call today at 7:55AM, they dunno at what time it was but tell us to come in.

Drive 30+ mins, talk to the nurse, in 30 secs she tells us "no, it's not today, it's tomorrow at 11:00AM"

Drive back 40+ mins.

Why couldn't they had let me know DAYS AGO when we fucking called? JESUS!

New Bro Team Pill: Ducati World Championship

Holy fuck this game has no sewers! I mean, obviously it doesn't, but I expected them to work in sewers somehow in the video.

Kawaii Mass Effect

Bitten likes Mass Effect, and he told me recently he's excited about the 3rd one coming out.

I personally don't care about it much, but I found this on 4chan earlier, so, enjoy:

My operation and Saints Row: The Third

Ok so, the new date for my operation is the 27th if I'm well enough that day, and signs points towards yes. Flu's pretty much gone and coughing has nearly stopped.

So if everything goes as planned, the Oekaki will be offline on the 27th til I return home.

---

So while getting over the flu, and waiting for the 27th, I decided to pick up Saints Row: The Third. Didn't play any of the previous games, only things I played like this were GTA3 and GTA Vice City.

I do like the character customization and really all the customization in general in the game (weapons, vehicles, gang). It's fun to customize stuff even if it's not gameplay. Also I think this is the only game I played where you can completely rebuild your character, including the gender, anytime in the game. Also thought it was cool that the fact you can change your entire look is a plot point in the game, I thought it was neat they acknowledged it.

The missions were Ok, by the end where you take down a giant flying military base is pretty over the top and kinda awesome for it. But if you go for 100% completion like I did, it's so fucking mundane.

With that said, doing just the story missions is the best way to play these games, I did enjoy it and kept me amused for a day (2nd day was me just getting 100%). I do like how at several points in the game you're offered choices, and the rewards are CLEAR and told to you right there. Although, most of the time the choices weren't hard at all.

Love the visuals in the game, the city at night is pretty awesome looking, the enemy gangs have being really bright colors, worked well and made it easy to identify enemies. The cribs were pretty cool looking too. Just nice stuff all over.

Driving wasn't very good, I didn't crash much surprisingly, but driving didn't feel good. Perhaps it was the default controls I never bothered to change. Piloting anything that flies was for the most part way worse than driving, the inertia is really annoying to deal with. Maybe it's realistic, but come on, with everything else in this game, you're gonna go with realistic vehicle controls?

Ok, don't want to make this post too long. Bottom line is, I did like the game. Story, events and characters were fun. It kept me interested into what was going on. The biggest down side for me is that it's terribly short in my opinion.

Even though I liked it, I don't think it's worth the price they ask for it on Steam. I mean, it's a day of fun sure, but it's just a day. I'd recommend getting it if it was 50% off though.

New Bro Team Pill: Singularity

Does every fucking game have to have sewers? I probably asked before, but, geez.

Sharon Andrews

Sharon is Stan's personal chauffeur and one of his older acquaintances. She was originally a rather infamous taxi driver before Stan "made" her.

Despite Stan's notoriety for...enjoying the company of several different women, he maintains a mostly professional relationship with Sharon. And by professional, I mean he doesn't fool around in her car. Anywhere else, she's fair game.

I tried to maintain some of the unnerving-ness that my take on Charon had, but with a tad more sex appeal. Some people might disagree with me, since that take has a fully-expose leg and feet...

New Bro Team Pill: Space Marine

They stopped posting for over a month and then post twice in a row.

Sure are a lot of elevators in that game...

Forsaken World: Valentine's day event

Ok, I know, Valentine's day passed already. I spent that day in the Hospital getting my surgery rescheduled so I really didn't care about anything else then, and thus I didn't read about this event til now.

Prizes:

• Random, but includes:
  
  -Porudock Lollipops
  -50 Soul Coin Box
  -Edge Badge
  -Flare Gembox
  -Apple Squirrel/Cupid pet
  

Duration:

• Daily from February 14 to February 21.

How to participate:

• Go to http://fw.perfectworld.com/valentines.
• Pick a npc to receive a card from.
• Pick which of your characters you want to receive it.

Note: I'm told the pet is lvl70 and bound to the character that receives it. It can be an issue...

Remember that it's Daily.

New Bro Team Pill: The First Templar

Guess they tried something different with this one, but I did enjoy it.

Humpty Dumpty

Olivia Positron is a bit of a mad scientist. Due to her love of high places, she spends her time attempting to construct a flying machine that can take her as high as she likes...when she isn't daydreaming about doing so while affixing her buttocks to some forward-motion-impeding structure.

Unfortunately, Olivia happens to be quite frail, and clumsy to boot, earning her the nickname "Humpty Dumpty" from those that know of her. To protect herself from the harsh, dangerous, risk-laden outside world, she developed the Hazardous Environment Guardian Garment, a protective suit that would be cumbersome to anyone outside of her squishy, gelatinous species.

Even with the odds stacked against her, Olivia maintains a sunny disposition and takes her setbacks in stride. Her body may be weak, but she is known for her steely resolve and never giving up, especially if she's urged to do so. There's no such thing as "I can't" in her mind, and implying so will only push her even harder towards proving the world wrong.

Tsundere Tsalamander

Happy Valentines Day everyone. I'm gonna get back to stuffing my face with Reese's. Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo goooooooooooood....

TF2 Pokemon scout girls

By Bitten:

Bitten didn't have any comment for this, and I don't either.

Btw, I got the flu and I'm as sick as a dog, so the Oekaki will no longer be down on the day I announced it would. Now I gotta get a new date for my operation.

How to leave a boring class in style

As some of you may already know, Jimmy is a teacher. I wonder how he'd react to a student doing that.

Charon

For some reason or another, I got this idea to draw a female take on the Underworld's resident boatman of Greek myth, Charon. I tried to make her attractive, but still unnerving to look at.

The pale skin and red tattoo things aren't a God of War reference, but it's a happy coincidence that helps relate her to the source material vicariously, I guess.

2 new items have been unlocked

I was playing Soul Calibur 3 earlier, and when this happened, both me and Zach started laughing:

We're so silly...

"Bro'kemon" and a lil note

As i mentioned over 6 months ago, I've been on a waiting list for a surgery. It finally got scheduled to the 16th, and honestly, I've already started shitting bricks.

However that's not the point of this post. Just wanted to warn that while I'm in the hospital, the Oekaki board will be down. It's not a massive surgery and I may be back home by the end of the day, but really can't be sure.

If you haven't checked the Oekaki in a while, there's a new doodle of Io drawn on it by gunstarfire.

Meanwhile, I'll be busy stressing out.

---

Zach linked me to this yesterday, it's pretty funny.

The best part is at 10 secs.

Mountain Mama

I started growing attached to Nana when I realized that the color I use when I play the Ice Climbers in Smash Bros. has her in the lead. It's been ages since I've played, come to think of it...

Sonic is about physics

A while back we summed up the problem with Sonic Generations. As an advocate for sprites, I believe classic sonic would do far better on a 2d platform plane, with 3d thrown in as a bonus stage (ala sonic 2 or sonic cd). But the main thing about sonic's appeal is the physics and control.

Here is an old ass video someone did with Sonic & Knuckles' Mushroom Hill Zone. All they did was rendered a 3d movie over an existing gameplay video.




As you can see it captures the feel of sonic, so there's no real excuse for Sega not getting it correct.

Spiral Knights: Humanized Bechamel

From Bitten:

Bechamel - Human version

If you don't know who this is, it's one of the newer NPCs from Spiral Knights.

Bitten thought she looked somehow distinct from everyone else, and I gotta agree.

I didn't even think spiral people would need to wear glasses, aren't they like, machine people? I'm confused...

Stick Your Chest Out

I like to think Daisy has an air of superiority about her, and the way she acts and shouts in games like Mario Strikers Charged and Mario Kart Wii seems to imply that I could very possibly be right about it.

...Also I like to think she's at least slightly curvier/bustier than Peach. But that's just my opinion.

I called it! Also, a sprite map

Source.

Bam!

This is so bad for my ego, cause I'm gonna act all high and mighty now. Seriously though, neat article that kinda goes into points I attempted to explain when I wrote my article of Ultima IV.

The article does single out Ultima IV in a few parts, and even calls it "The most important title of the series". Ultima IV being one of the most important games ever is arguable, but it makes me happy as fuck that once in a while magazines, reviewers and sites refer to it as highly as strongly as I do.

---

Just so it doesn't look like I made this post entirely to brag, and before I start calling people plebs, here's something I did a while back:

Click it cause it's pretty big.

Now I'm gonna ramble on about it because Ultima IV makes my dick hard.

This is a map of Britain, the city dedicated to the virtue of Compassion. The profession associated with compassion is bard, so if you roll a bard it's where you'll start the game.

It's extremely close to Lord British's castle, so that makes it a rather good starting point. If you aren't playing as a bard, you may ask Iolo the bard to join your party providing your compassion level is high enough.

The map has the color limitation the original Sega Master System game has, and all the tiles are based on the tiles from it.

There's really no reason I made this other than I just like Ultima IV. I made this in early December, but haven't posted it anywhere til now because it's only "neat" to you if you played the game.

Btw, this is how the town looks in the original PC game:

Not hard to see why I like the master system version better.