The Bard Class. PART 1

WHY THE BARD CLASS ?

I know what you're thinking. The bard class is pretty useless I would rather be a thief or perhaps a warrior of some sort. They do not get the best weapons (typically a musical instrument) or armor. They do not have the highest levels of magic. What's the point of being a bard? Well, being a bard has many perks. The first is that you are not dependent on your party, they are dependent on you. A bard is more or less a support in your party. In general they just hang out in the back and effect the status of everyone and everything around them. That's right, they do a whole lot of shit by doing very little. In fact while your defense grunts and knight warriors are taking the blunt force of the attacks the bard is chilling out in the back checking out the hot mage in her skin tight towel magical robe and occasionally throwing a tune here or there to lower an enemy's stat or increase the party's own stat. Depending on the bard's skills they may even heal you with music/magic. Generally, the bard waits until the last possible moment to do anything because they love to remind you of how important they really are. And if you don't believe that, they will leave you to die and will just join another party or hit on other characters at the bar.

KNOW THY BARD

Now that you understand the general concept of a bard, it can be confusing to know exactly the types of bards that exists. There are generally three categories that a bard can be in Useful, Entertaining, or Useless. The bards can switch between all three of these categories with ease.

THE USEFUL BARD

The useful bard are the ones that actually does what they are suppose to do, be your support for your party. These are the ones that are awesome because they effect the stats of everyone on the field. Is that boss ridiculously difficult? The bard can lower their defense and raise your attack. It's a win situation for the bard and you! The warrior gets the satisfaction of killing something, and the bard survives to tell the tale of how they managed to save their fellow party to some foul beast they won by taming it with their sheer sexiness.

While it is not required, some bards are equipped with a form of weaponry that is not their instrument to physically battle. A few have opted to fused the two items together, but those bards tend to be self-sufficient and are just using you for the time being. They will help you live, but only because you are currently much more useful to them alive then dead...for the time being.

THE ENTERTAINING BARD

The entertaining bards are typically NPC characters because they are either currently not working in a party, or had the unfortunate event of impregnating 3 out of the females in their previous parties. What can I say? Shit happens.

Female bards are currently just trying to find a better and prettier group to be with. Or are currently in the state of "experimenting" with their various party members.

These bards are typically found in bars and in town away from danger. They often secretly advertise themselves when they sing about tales and legends. De-cyphering them is pretty easy, one who sings of tales of where a wicked beast has slain all are ones who have abandoned their party to some deadly faith, but at least they know where the good loots are. If they are singing about themselves they are likely to be a useless bard. If they are singing to the opposite sex, they will strum their lute for you in your bed chambers...for free! The ones who sing of a their successful journey are ones who will help you for the right price. The ones who are slurring are currently drunk and about to piss in their clothes.

Be forewarn, the other party member's reputation are often affected by what the bard sings about you. If you're going to be a douche to the bard, don't be surprise if he or she sonnet some of your "secrets" to the world.

THE USELESS BARD

The useless bards are the ones that join your party after you have paid their "fee" and you expect them to do shit for you since you paid them, but they end up becoming more of a burden on you and your party. These bards end up using all your items, they raise stats at inappropriate times, or they just down right refuse to battle when you need them most. Some even have useless stat effector like raising basket weaving skills.

Typically these bards are full of themselves and gloat about how great they are, but when the battle begins they typically are not around and most of the time they have a high level in finding hiding places. If your party somehow survives and you confront the bard about their where-about they will often claim to be either scouting ahead for their enemies back-up or had to take a shit. They are often found eating some fruit after the battle even though your party have not eaten in the past two days because they have "lost" their rations.

NEXT TIME: The sub-classes of bards