Magic 2013: The Broken Edition

I LOVE Magic the gathering, and had always been a fan of it. So when they started making PC versions of the game I was ecstatic because I could now play my favorite card game without having to spend so much money on "booster cards" or whatever else they decide to call it. This was pretty much Downloadable Content before it was popularized on the current gaming consoles

All card games are unbalanced in someway. While it may not be what the original creator had intended on doing people exploit or randomly find out problems in the games that just overturns the table... currently I am playing Magic 2013 when I have a few minutes of relax time, but I've already managed to find some exploits.

 

As you can see above. By playing the right cards you can increase your creature cards to an insane amount in one turn. This is most doable on the green decks since they have lots of creatures that have abilities to summon more creatures. There are some elements that are insanely unbalanced like the */* creatures. I mean look at that screenshot up close, one of those creates is a 52/52 power. Not only that those slime on the top right corner gets x/x boost for each land I have when they attack. That's just insane.

If you look at this one, you would think you are seeing the same thing. Except originally I was on the verge of losing. I had two creatures summoned, while my opponent had several creatures over me with flying (meaning my ground based ones could not block them it if they chose to attack. In addition the opponent just casted Rite of Replication and copied five of my Chancellor of the Spires. I was screwed. Then one card was drawn by me that changed the game around.

The clone card was the one luck/strategy I needed. I chose my Chancellor of the Spires.

The important thing about the CotS is the bottom portion. This broken trick can only be done by decks that have replication/cloning instant and sorcery.

Luckily for me, my opponent had just used this, and it pissed me off. While there is a kicker (pay mana for extra benefits) it is not necessary because of the infinite loop trick. Instead just choose the CotS and then select the Rite of Replication again. Repeat as desired.

While broken it is still pretty darn fun. There are plenty of whacked stuff in this game and I'll post them if I remember.

WiiU girl wip

Hey folks in order to help post on the blog more often I have downloaded an app on my phone. It is not great and very limited, but hey... I am still alive.

Anyway, I will be adding to the console girls this monday or tuesday. Expect WiiU girl (she sounds so dirty) and two more unexpected ones to show up!

APB I hardly knew ye

APB Reloaded

I use to have no time to play video games, but since I get summers off I now have the luxury of time to burn on things that will rot my brain. Being a cheap-o-rino, I decided my budget should be zero dollars for experimenting new games.

Luckily there are plenty of free games for people to download and play.

I decided to go with APB Reloaded because it was on steam.

What harm can it do to download it and try it out? After all I got nothing to lose. The original APB was crappy so there was no way it could have been worst. Well that's what I originally THOUGHT.


- THE BEGINNING -

I decided first to not even bother reading any reviews or ratings of the game. I find that when I do that, I tend to become a bit more bias towards the game. So I downloaded it from steam, installed it and loaded it up.

Apparently in the future ravers are going to stop
using drugs for a bit to cause
crime, and cops can't do anything about it.

No problems there. The game loads up with a video sequence and I didn't even have to patch the game yet. Fantastic!

 You can view the actual intro here courtesy of an uploader on youtube (clicking link will open new window).

All right the intro was over so I moved on to the welcome screen. It prompts me to either log in with steam or through GamersFirst.

Well I didn't have a gamersfirst account so I decided to go with steam. Apparently this selection is just a bullshit option and tells me I have to make a GamersFirst account anyway. Okay.



- REGISTER DUDE -

As you can see for yourself Joining GamersFirst is Fast and Easy. Sure enough it was pretty fast and fairly straight forward. But this is when the problems continue to get worst.

You see what GamersFirst neglect to tell me is that if you make a password longer than 8 characters, I would not be able to log into their server through a game. It logs into their website  and forum, but if you are trying to log in their server through a game like APB Reloaded, you will get some error message.

I was pretty pissed and so I did what any intelligent person would do. I googled my problem. Surprisingly I am not the only one with the same problem and this game is not the only one with the same issue (LMGTFY).

Possible "temporary" fixes or possible solutions to problems that were mentioned:

• 1- Wait for next patch (WTF?)
• 2- Launch the game from directory and not through steam
• 3- E-mail GamersFirst and they'll fix it for you in about a week.
• 4- Reinstall.
• 5- Re-register.
• 6- Change your password.

- THE FIX -

I know what some of you are thinking who read number six on that list. How would changing your password fix the problem. Well apparently if your password was longer than a certain amount (mine was eight characters), the game would not be able to verify me on the server while the game is running. Fabulous. I changed my password from their website and then reloaded the game. If you are curious I changed it to "FuckYou2". Magically that worked!


So everything starts loading and I'm thinking "Great! I can finally do a blog game review". Then I got prompted by this lovely message.

  

WHAEIGHEIEAIFNFI AVIEAF AEIFHA EFIEAFEIF!!!!! GRAHGHGHGHA!

Turns out that this pop-up is also a common occurrence among GamersFirst. There is NOTHING on this system that is potentially hazardous to other players. I built this system with legit software and hardware. I have download all critical system files up-to-date, and my main Anti-virus is Kaspersky (one of if not the best paid anti-virus to exist). So GamersFirst go take a missile up your ass.

- THE CONCLUSION -

 

Quit? Yes.

Uninstall? Yes.


Out of some viewer's curiosity APB stand for All Points Bulletin. Though they should just refer to for what it really is Anal Pain Backfire.

---

VNARTIST GAME RATING QUICK SUMMARY!

Game: APB Reloaded
Pros: Uninstalls quickly.
Cons: Everything else.
Rating:
32

I give this game a 32 limp tentacle eggplant Peter Pan's ass.

VN's gaming ideas: Pokemon

Tof had some pretty good ideas for pokemon, and perhaps it would improve the game. The best improvement would to be to not play it at all. While that would end this post here, I've decided to throw in my opinions on what I think should change.

---

POKEDEX

Problem: Why the heck are we still "collecting" data on every pokemon? There are "people" in this pokemon world who own/breed/research various different types of pokemon. By now, there should be some kind of pokewiki or something, and since the pokedex is essentially a smartphone/tablet finding anything would be as easy as turning the damn thing on.

Solution: Pokewiki that shit.

---

COLLECT WITH CONSEQUENCES

Problem: The game's mechanic and essential message is to capture every pokemon and then bloat about it to your friend like you're special (but deep down you know you're not). But what do you really get in the end? Essentially you get a message that says "you've done it. good job." That's prety much it. You can also tell all your friends but you'd look like an idiot who wasted their time collecting digital animals.

Solution: Sure you can collect them all but there should be consequences for your collecting actions. That nice statue in your hometown might be something but there should be negative consequences as well. Like there should be a pokemon activist group that keeps bugging you as you keep capturing more. They should also have the ability to harass you and free some of your pokemon that you aren't supervising. Certain towns who are against stuff like pokemon battling should also ban you from entering while pokemon fetish cities would welcome you like some hero.

---

FAWK BACKTRACKING

 

Problem:  You're doing fine and then you find that you cannot move on until you get xxx ability. You can't enter this area till later. Backtracking is the most idiotic thing ever. You made me suffer through a long painful walk or mode of transportation then you tell me I have to go back to access the new area?

Solution: Hire better level designers. THE BARD ONLY GOES ONE WAY. FORWARD.

---

MANDATORY NPC BATTLES + GUNS!

Problem 1: You're "collecting" pokemons or just traveling in a horrid speed to the next town for whatever reason and each trainer on that path wants to battle you for no reason other than the fact that you happen to be going that way.

Solution 1: I can understand forcing a player into their first battle to teach them the gaming battle mechanism, but for the rest of the game I should have a choice. If the NPC is interested they should give you the option of saying no. As a pokemon trainer I don't want to be battling a little girl standing randomly in the middle of a pokemon infested field at night to test who has a stronger set of pokemons.

Problem 2: That damn pokemon is too strong. Those NPC keeps battling me.

Solution 2: Why don't they have pokeguns yet? This would solve a lot of problems in the game.

KLODIKE BAR uses MINTY FREEZE on PIKACHU. It's SUPER EFFECTIVE!

   Use Item -> Pokegun -> Shoot pokemon -> Legs

TRAINER uses POKEGUN. KLONDIKE BAR is critically wounded!

   Use Item -> Pokeball

You got a KLONDIKE BAR!

---

I WANNA BE THE VILLAIN

PROBLEM: I want to collect pokemons but leveling them up is so damn boring. Damn I'm at a cave and I need some kind of fire pokemon to light my way. All these trainers around this area have one...

SOLUTION: I agree. There should be an option where you get to be criminals and steal other people's pokemon. Sure you'll get heckled and the police will be after you, but the point of the game is to collect right? Why waste time leveling up your own pokemon when you can take some other sucker's pokemon who did all the hard work for you?

---

PLAYING WITH MY POKEBALLS

PROBLEM: You really like collecting things.

SOLUTION: Have the ability for you to modify the pokeballs! Pretty soon you'll be collecting things like Nurse Joys, Officers Jennys, and random NPC trainers!

GET SHEAREEASH

K-ToF and I really love these types of videos. It's even better when SNK sound effects/voices are used.

TERRY VERSUS RYU



And how the horrible live action KoF should have been done sound-wise.

The dead will rise

One thing about being a teacher is all the crap you have to deal with from the administration side, but I only have 8 more days starting this day to deal with this district ever again.

It's Earth Juice!

Actually that's pretty funny

I hate the new Sonic with a passion. I even hate the cartoon sonic even more, but I must admit that this flash short was pretty funny.


Sonic X Dinner by =TheWax on deviantART

Pokemon

This comic demonstrates one of the odd things about pokemon.

http://www.dorkly.com/comic/36476/five-pokemon-battles-that-should-be-pretty-one-sided

Often times video games enter into absurdity to the point where you just do not question logic any further. Pokemon is one of those games.

Gaming Music

Every so often interesting video game inspired music is found on the internet. This is one of those.

Professor Jimmy: Shit I Want To Say

Q: HEY TEACHER! LOOK AT ME. *Insert random statement or question* *screaming yelling or any incoherent garble*

A: It may surprise you, but being stupid and being just damn annoying can get old very quick. By golly, how many times can you ask the same question over and over? Even four year olds eventually learn after the second time. There's a simple trick that I teach my pet cat. When you think something is funny, chances are, it is not. If you think you can make a living off being stupid, I heard the internet is hiring.

Q: Do you know karate/kung-fu/tae-kwan-do/etc? Show me something like a backflip!

A: First off it's racist to even ask an Asian that question, because it is built into our dna. Not only that, if I were to show you any of my secret, I would have to destroy everyone and everything within a 10 mile radius. True story, ever heard of the city of San Montenyo? No? EXACTLY. As for the backflip, if I were to do it most of you would be blinded by the flash kick.

Jim Kelly is clearly Asian and so is Chuck Norris. 100% truth.

Q: Why are you a teacher?

A: I get asked this quite a bit from everyone. The simple answer I always give to my friends and family is that I enjoy teaching. Let's be realistic, all teachers are there for one reason. To give you endless tests, pointless homework, and fail you and gloat about it in the teacher's room. In fact, in the teacher's lounge we have a wall with your picture on it and we laugh at your idiocy. We also teach because it makes us feel important; as a bonus we prepare you for the shit hole experience we call "life".


Q: You look like shit. Why are you always sick? It seems that your health is deteriorating as the days go by.

A: To answer that question or address that statement one must understand the fundamentals of basic physiology. We normally get sick because of an infection of some sort whether it be viral, bacterial, or chemical. For teachers we are exposed to all that shit because some of you are just dirty and fail to follow basic hygiene practices and spread it everywhere and to everyone. Hey did it ever occur to you that if you leave trash in your desk, that shit will build up over time? Yea I'm sure you didn't think that far ahead. However, If you do enjoy living in a trash dump, by all means do it AT HOME, but do not expose me to that. Back to the most important factor, you folks. You bring me stress in addition to the stress I get from the administration. If you didn't know, stress makes you sick if it builds up too much.

Somehow, this seems more enjoyable than teaching some students.

Well that's all I'll load with you today. This is Professor Jimmy signing out until next time.

Isn't it cute that you think I care about your grade? Nope, not an ounce.

Sonic is about physics

A while back we summed up the problem with Sonic Generations. As an advocate for sprites, I believe classic sonic would do far better on a 2d platform plane, with 3d thrown in as a bonus stage (ala sonic 2 or sonic cd). But the main thing about sonic's appeal is the physics and control.

Here is an old ass video someone did with Sonic & Knuckles' Mushroom Hill Zone. All they did was rendered a 3d movie over an existing gameplay video.




As you can see it captures the feel of sonic, so there's no real excuse for Sega not getting it correct.

Professor Jimmy : Penis Obsession

We've all been busy, but at least I will try to post stuff here. Originally I wanted to post stuff that happens at my work, but I've made that private for the time being. Perhaps in the future when I'm not being hovered over, I will post them on this blog. In the mean time welcome to...

This is a new segment which I will try to do call Professor Jimmy, life lesson 101. Most of this will come from questions my students ask me and responses which are hilarious enough for me to share with you. I might also answer questions our viewers want to ask no matter how strange it might be. Anyway, enough of that, time to move on to our first question.



Q: Professor Jimmy, why do the boys love to draw large penis that appears to be shooting cum on the white board?

A: Did you know that 99% of the time when a penis is drawn by a boy, it's an erect penis? It's true. Doogie Howser can verify this, he's a doctor.

 "Penises are drawn erect 99% of the time. Trust me. I'm a doctor.." - Doogie Howser M.D.

So why are the boys drawing so many penis? That can be explained in two ways. The first one is Sigmund Freuds' theory where he says everyone is essentially attracted to the same gender, but we have learned to bury those urges deep inside, well most of us. So in essence, those dreams about the young mailman whipping you on a unicorn and you are eating a cabbage while a squirrel is pouring you a cup of coffee is completely normal...well according to Freud it is. However, the real answer is far simpler. Boys are stupid. We find shit like that funny. We don't think of the stuff other people think about us ahead of time. As a teacher though I find this very funny because it makes them very easy targets, erm easy to make fun of, uh they set themselves up so many times.

 There are only three places where this picture would be normal or even appropriate.

1) Freud's theory 2) Japan 3)The internet

This leads us to our next part of the answer. What do you mean you didn't ask another question? Of course you did! What do you do to stop the boy from drawing penises (at least in public)?


The most interesting thing to say to a boy who is drawing a penis is to express how often and how large they are drawing it. I often state something like "Gee xxxxx student, you seem to really love drawing penises. Lots and lots of penises, but hey I'm not judging, it is something I've noticed." That usually stops them, and the other students usually laugh at them. Nobody wants to be made fun of. But if a teacher is making fun of you, chances are you deserve it. I'm helping you learn about life. You act stupid, you're going to be treated stupidly.

This is Professor Jimmy. See you next time.

lol penises.

Start a Bro Fight Yo.

I am so doing this.






I AM SAM!

Holy smokes.

Holy mackerel Batman! Lou Ferrigno (aka the original TV Hulk) is a living version of Kenshiro from Hokuto no Ken (Fist of the North Star).



ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA!!!

The Bard Class. PART 1

WHY THE BARD CLASS ?

I know what you're thinking. The bard class is pretty useless I would rather be a thief or perhaps a warrior of some sort. They do not get the best weapons (typically a musical instrument) or armor. They do not have the highest levels of magic. What's the point of being a bard? Well, being a bard has many perks. The first is that you are not dependent on your party, they are dependent on you. A bard is more or less a support in your party. In general they just hang out in the back and effect the status of everyone and everything around them. That's right, they do a whole lot of shit by doing very little. In fact while your defense grunts and knight warriors are taking the blunt force of the attacks the bard is chilling out in the back checking out the hot mage in her skin tight towel magical robe and occasionally throwing a tune here or there to lower an enemy's stat or increase the party's own stat. Depending on the bard's skills they may even heal you with music/magic. Generally, the bard waits until the last possible moment to do anything because they love to remind you of how important they really are. And if you don't believe that, they will leave you to die and will just join another party or hit on other characters at the bar.

KNOW THY BARD

Now that you understand the general concept of a bard, it can be confusing to know exactly the types of bards that exists. There are generally three categories that a bard can be in Useful, Entertaining, or Useless. The bards can switch between all three of these categories with ease.

THE USEFUL BARD

The useful bard are the ones that actually does what they are suppose to do, be your support for your party. These are the ones that are awesome because they effect the stats of everyone on the field. Is that boss ridiculously difficult? The bard can lower their defense and raise your attack. It's a win situation for the bard and you! The warrior gets the satisfaction of killing something, and the bard survives to tell the tale of how they managed to save their fellow party to some foul beast they won by taming it with their sheer sexiness.

While it is not required, some bards are equipped with a form of weaponry that is not their instrument to physically battle. A few have opted to fused the two items together, but those bards tend to be self-sufficient and are just using you for the time being. They will help you live, but only because you are currently much more useful to them alive then dead...for the time being.

THE ENTERTAINING BARD

The entertaining bards are typically NPC characters because they are either currently not working in a party, or had the unfortunate event of impregnating 3 out of the females in their previous parties. What can I say? Shit happens.

Female bards are currently just trying to find a better and prettier group to be with. Or are currently in the state of "experimenting" with their various party members.

These bards are typically found in bars and in town away from danger. They often secretly advertise themselves when they sing about tales and legends. De-cyphering them is pretty easy, one who sings of tales of where a wicked beast has slain all are ones who have abandoned their party to some deadly faith, but at least they know where the good loots are. If they are singing about themselves they are likely to be a useless bard. If they are singing to the opposite sex, they will strum their lute for you in your bed chambers...for free! The ones who sing of a their successful journey are ones who will help you for the right price. The ones who are slurring are currently drunk and about to piss in their clothes.

Be forewarn, the other party member's reputation are often affected by what the bard sings about you. If you're going to be a douche to the bard, don't be surprise if he or she sonnet some of your "secrets" to the world.

THE USELESS BARD

The useless bards are the ones that join your party after you have paid their "fee" and you expect them to do shit for you since you paid them, but they end up becoming more of a burden on you and your party. These bards end up using all your items, they raise stats at inappropriate times, or they just down right refuse to battle when you need them most. Some even have useless stat effector like raising basket weaving skills.

Typically these bards are full of themselves and gloat about how great they are, but when the battle begins they typically are not around and most of the time they have a high level in finding hiding places. If your party somehow survives and you confront the bard about their where-about they will often claim to be either scouting ahead for their enemies back-up or had to take a shit. They are often found eating some fruit after the battle even though your party have not eaten in the past two days because they have "lost" their rations.

NEXT TIME: The sub-classes of bards

Sexy Tentacle Bard

POWERGIRL'S TITAYS

Now that I got your attention, I would like to point and ask something to you folks. When you click on the buttons below it gives us a quick feedback on what you like to see and would not want to see in the future. What I have noticed is that a few of you visitors mark the "Do not want!"

Do not want! highlighted in green for you young whipper snappers.

So are you people aware that the first one indicates "Do NOT want" or did you assume that it stated "Do want!"

Leave a comment in the reply.

A little something

I'm just goofing around in this flash creator and it's fairly fun. The text-to-sound speech is as great as the ones on the mac os so don't expect too much. However, they have the option for you to record your own voices.

GoAnimate.com: TestingGoAnimated by vnartist

Awesome

While searching for some adult entertainment music I stumbled upon this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBmM79YadYM

Seriously, this is great and puts a smile on my face because of the major chords. :)