Q: HEY TEACHER! LOOK AT ME. *Insert random statement or question* *screaming yelling or any incoherent garble*
A: It may surprise you, but being stupid and being just damn annoying can get old very quick. By golly, how many times can you ask the same question over and over? Even four year olds eventually learn after the second time. There's a simple trick that I teach my pet cat. When you think something is funny, chances are, it is not. If you think you can make a living off being stupid, I heard the internet is hiring.
Q: Do you know karate/kung-fu/tae-kwan-do/etc? Show me something like a backflip!
A: First off it's racist to even ask an Asian that question, because it is built into our dna. Not only that, if I were to show you any of my secret, I would have to destroy everyone and everything within a 10 mile radius. True story, ever heard of the city of San Montenyo? No? EXACTLY. As for the backflip, if I were to do it most of you would be blinded by the flash kick.
Jim Kelly is clearly Asian and so is Chuck Norris. 100% truth.
Q: Why are you a teacher?
A: I get asked this quite a bit from everyone. The simple answer I always give to my friends and family is that I enjoy teaching. Let's be realistic, all teachers are there for one reason. To give you endless tests, pointless homework, and fail you and gloat about it in the teacher's room. In fact, in the teacher's lounge we have a wall with your picture on it and we laugh at your idiocy. We also teach because it makes us feel important; as a bonus we prepare you for the shit hole experience we call "life".
Q: You look like shit. Why are you always sick? It seems that your health is deteriorating as the days go by.
A: To answer that question or address that statement one must understand the fundamentals of basic physiology. We normally get sick because of an infection of some sort whether it be viral, bacterial, or chemical. For teachers we are exposed to all that shit because some of you are just dirty and fail to follow basic hygiene practices and spread it everywhere and to everyone. Hey did it ever occur to you that if you leave trash in your desk, that shit will build up over time? Yea I'm sure you didn't think that far ahead. However, If you do enjoy living in a trash dump, by all means do it AT HOME, but do not expose me to that. Back to the most important factor, you folks. You bring me stress in addition to the stress I get from the administration. If you didn't know, stress makes you sick if it builds up too much.
Somehow, this seems more enjoyable than teaching some students.
Well that's all I'll load with you today. This is Professor Jimmy signing out until next time.
Isn't it cute that you think I care about your grade? Nope, not an ounce.
This reminds me of my youth, and how many of my then classmates fit in these questions like Snuggies®.
ReplyDeleteNot sure how to rate this: good post, but depressing facts.